The Midnight News 08.04.03 

Posted By Hyatte on 08.04.03

Where To Find Me, Forbidden Topics, I Know What You Said Two Years Ago, and Prepare to Feel Ripped Off. That's it. No, really. 

I’m very tired. I don’t feel well. And I’m sitting here, trying real hard to jam stuff in here when it occurs to me that I’m not used to going 4 weeks without a vacation.

Yeah, I know… boo the fuck hoo… shut up Hyatte and get to work.

Fuuuuck you. I’ve got real life stuff going on, baby. When Widro decided to pay my ass, then I’ll produce column after column non-stop… I’ll be twice as prolific as Scott Keith and 5 times better.

I need my breaks… I’m sorry… but I need to recharge. Basically I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM MOST OF YOU!!!

And by the way, I have so far blocked 8 people on AIM for mentioning Scott Keith’s name to me off column… I will block ALL of you motherfuckers until you leave me ALONE. I am not the Official Come Cry About Scott Keith guy… go start a message board… from what I’ve seen, it’ll have a few thousand members within two days of it’s existence.

Anyway, I have a new column up at Flea’s site. Eric and Gagnon are there with new stuff too… Flea wrote something too. Flea loves my column… I answer a whole bunch of different questions… give some tough advice…

In fact, here:

Hyatte,

I've been a longtime reader of your columns and I have always enjoyed them. Some more than others, but I always make sure to catch them when they're posted. I don't ever e-mail because its not really my place to criticize or comment...I'm fine with reading and enjoying.

However, I went over to Flea's site and read your latest column and I had to e-mail you. Like I said, I'm a LONGTIME fan of your wrestling columns and random thoughts but this column blew me away. Its one of your best. Ever. Flea's site is now bookmarked, thanks for the writings of the years. 

AB

There you go… Hyatte has done it again!!!!!!

Anywhoo… I should’ve took the week off, but I didn’t give Widro any advanced warning and didn’t hunt down someone who might want to fill in (any volunteers? Let me know and I’ll think about it), so I’m here… sort of.

I originally thought about doing a “Best Of” MidNews from the last two years but hunting down choice stuff got real old, real fast.

So what I’m doing is re-posting some old Across the Boards messages from May to June of 2001… back when I was doing this shit 5 times a week. If you have read it ONLY when it first came out, I promise most of this stuff will feel new… if you are the time to have hit the archives and read my early news columns, then you might as well bail… I’m too lazy to even mix these things up. 

That’s it. I’ll be back next week with the book thing and… and… I have no fucking clue. 

So go read me at 1ryderfakin.com , then come back and read below... or read below first, then go, or read one and not the other, or don’t read anything at all and fuck you very much.

This is Hyatte

ACROSS THE BOARDS 

"Don't Ryder and the rest of the clowns at 1wrestling realize that there are many programs devoted to the cause of killing popups, many of which cost $0.00?" 

"Hey CRZ, is it true you were trying to hold down Keith at Wrestleline? You are the smartest man on the Internet." 

"How will Tom Cruise prove that he isn't gay in court? Will he recoil from the site of another man's package? Will he perform oral sex and then vomit. Will he... you get the picture." 

"If McMahon is God than I'm an atheist" 

“I get such a kick out of DDP, because he sucks up to anyone and everyone just to get in good with everybody. As a human being, he's scum of the earth, but he gets in good with everyone in an attempt to hide that fact. At least Kevin Nash is foreward about being an assh**** ..." 

"If you can see this post,you're probably the only one." 

"Was it always William Regal or did he ever go by the name Steven? Lord Steven Regal sounds familiar." 

"No, but most Americans can't locate New Hampshire on a map." 

"X-pac should be the next wwf Champ because there is not one person on this board who likes him." 

"Regardless of how they want WCW to be percieved, if the WWF keeps feeding us the same ole' bull***t, plenty of people will be watching WCW when it comes around." 

"Gunn deserves OVW, and if he doesn't learn anything there, he should start learning to make McDonalds sundaes, as I'm sure he'll be serving a lot of them." 

"With all the controversy about the politics in the WWF, specifically Triple H, does anyone else think it is all a Canadian Conspiracy to take over the WWF. Scott Keith, a Canadian, has been complaining about Triple H for a while. The guys from the LAW, all Canadians I might add, have been talking about Triple holding people back. Finally, Brian Alvarez is always throwing his two cents in about Triple H being an ass. While Alvarez is not Canadian, Alvarez lives in Seattle, close enough to have Canadian sympathies. Finally, the kicker is that all these guys want to elevate Benoit, Jericho and Test, who are, you guessed it, Canadian. You have been warned." 

"He will sit at home collect his checks and laugh at all the indy guys still busting their ass learning headlock take downs. We have seen the last of Gold-terd. Unless Hollywood Squares still have a spot for him." 

"1Wrestling is not exactly noted for their quality control." 

"Nash will probably never wrestle again in the WWF. He and Hall should go to Japan and be lazy over there." 

"If WWF keeps sucking os bad it will lead too 2 things: 1)The rapid increase in my tape collection 2)I'll watch WCW again (God save me)" 

"I thought being unhappy, unsatisfied and unmotivated was a prerequisite to being an INTERNET WRESTLING PERSONALITY (TM)? And does anybody else find it really disturbing that some of these IWP's are in their mid-30's? Christ, I'm 21 and sometimes I feel like I'm too old for this stuff..." 

"I have this amazing idea that I don't think anyone has thought of. I think that HHH has a lot of backstage power, and is holding other wrestlers back" 

"Yeah, the last thing WCW would ever want to do would be to run a gimmick that implied the use of marijuana."

"I didn't say WCW had a problem with the fact that Van Dam smoked pot. I don't know if they did or not. I said they had a problem with the fact that he was such a high profile advocate and had been very public in that view through his interview with High Times Magazine and with the 4:20 slogan for his merchandise. It's been pointed out that there were examples such as Kronik and Buzzkill and Major Stash that seem to contradict what I said. While it's true that those are good examples, they have nothing to do with the stance WCW (and I'm talking about the Fusient version) was planning to take with a relaunch. Buzzkill and Major Stash had already been dropped before Fusient, and Kronik was off television because of injuries and would very likely have had a makeover when they returned. It was a very real concern. It was becoming increasingly difficult to sell advertising on wrestling programs...not just for WCW shows, but for the WWF too...and the "new" WCW wasn't looking for that kind of baggage." {Bob Ryder} 

"HAHA. You're so damn witty, I want to be like you when I grow up. No wait, I don't want to be gay. Nevermind." 

"When I was 8 I was told by my teacher that you had tiny parasitic worms lying across your eyelids holding your eyelashes on. I went home that day and cut all my 'lashes off in the hope that the little 'caterpillars' would fall off and die." 

"The structure of that sentence has given me a migraine everytime I've tried to read it, legit. Can we get an English major to try and break it down?" 

"hey man chaz is the shiet. i liked him since he wuz beaver cleaver that shiet craked me duh f*k up! bring back BEAVER CLEAVER!" 

"Thank god for people like Dean Malenko." 

"I said 'whatever' meaning 'Ok, doesn't matter'. Excuse me but sometimes I screw with your language. Sorry" 

"Did anyone ever notice or wonder why if you're above the mason-dixon line Mike Rotunda becomes Mike Rotundo, and if you're below it's RotundA? Another thing is did you ever notice that most of the fans (I've noticed) that started watching wrestling before 1980 refer to Wahoo as Wahoo McDaniels (plural) and if they started after they refer to him as Wahoo McDaniel?" 

"(on recycling old gimmicks) Chyna becomes the target of 'Choppy choppy your pee pee 2001'." 

"Most mid carders make me mark out." 

"I'll thank God for Kung Pao chicken while I'm at it." 

"Me, a wwf mark? Shows what you know, slappy. I'm just as pissy as everyone else about HHH's POLITICAL POWERS! I've never been so livid!" 

"Hot damn, that Dean Malenko vs. Jerry Lynn match on heat was the best 4 minute match I've ever seen! Seriously, it was awesome, that one armdrag in the beginning blew my mind..."

"I mean if i was a wrestler and working an angle with Trish or Lita wouldnt you walk around with a continuous boner i mean wearing those tights and 'y' fronts it must be a continous nightmare hanging over the wrestlers heads (excuse the pun). Anyone?" 

"Congratulations. I don't normally do boycotts, but you have shown me the light. I'm going to boycott TCW immediately." 

"Go be an anus somewhere else." 

"when they were supposed to introduce Shockmaster, and he tripped through his entrance and his mask/helmet came off, he staggered up, and tried to put it back on...now that's great television" 

"I think Steph has a little weight on her and it makes her a lot nicer looking than most WWF women because it shows she's not made of plastic like many others.. for example, chyna and terri have both obviously had surgery many, many times. Steph is a little plump, but I'd rather have a real plump woman than a fake skinny one." 

"The thing that bothered the most out of all the responses were people calling Mick Foley a "whore" and a "leech on the business". Gee, once you stop falling from high places, those fans really turn on you. It's not like Mick Foley ruined his health for our entertainment or anything. A**holes."

"Since when has the Internet wrestling community allowed facts to get in the way of a good rumor?" 

"I heard from a reliable source that Bob's (Ryder) inside WWF leak is Tazz." 

"Is Meltzer simply falling into the trap of considering drawing power that the DVD500 list eschews?" 

"So, registration is closed again. Sorry to all the new people that didn't get the chance to register, you can blame it on the people that had nothing better to do than register more names and cause trouble." 

"Talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening." 

"Of course, I could be wrong, that's just my opinion. (Ok, so I probably am wrong, I'm an idiot, shoot me)"

"Some workers you just wonder how they lied for long enough to get jobs. For example the Goodfather" 

"Don't we all hate casual fans anyway?" 

"Just the ones that still cheer for X-Pac" 

"While you argue endlessly about the true value of Japanese pro wrestling, important and dare I say earth shattering matters such as Rhyno's impending rampage of, and I quote, ‘violence, f**ing violence !!!’ as well as the Ultimate Warrior's reign of ‘Destrucity’ are virtually ignored!" 

"The next Ric Flair is Kurt Angle. He is already the sedcond best wroker in the compnay and will soon assume the title of world's best worker. He can talk, wrestle, be charismatic, he has got everything." 

"Officially a company in my opinion begins when it has its first champ crowned. WCW crowned Ric Flair its first champion when he beat Sting for the world title in 1991. So WCW lasted for exactly 10 years. What I find amazing is that the UNDERTAKER gimmick has actually lasted longer than WCW was in existence." 

"If someone wins like one or two matches with a move it doesn't make it their finisher..whereas Saturn actually seems to change *finisher* every month or so. Shame none of them have stopped him being a retarded heatless loser."

"Yup, if you don't like what somebody is writing, just INSULT 'EM! Maybe you could call him GAY! That would be REALLY REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLY COOL!" 

"Will there ever be a day when wrestling and it's performers release the umbilical cord of the 'little white lie' it was founded upon and learn the intent is to Move your audience. Not shove them. Not "work" them and jerk them. It's time to grow the f**k up already."

"You know, many wrestlers are not rocket scientists, or brain specialists, in other words, some of them are not the brightest bulbs in the pack. Maybe, the whole idea of the list, you know, ranking people by their work, and the fact that EVERY OTHER TYPE OF WORK IS JUDGED IN THE SAME MANNER, is beyond (Lance Storm's) flat top, semi-mulleted head." 

"Puroresu fans are whiny and bitchy." 

"Eminem and ICP deserve each other... They are to music what Abdullah the Butcher is to high-flying" 

"That's why the company has spiralled into decline faster than a box of cucumbers goes at a women's prison." 

"Has it occurred to anyone else that WWF is starting to suck on purpose?" 

"My point is....maybe being a wrestler turns you INTO a jerk...even if you weren't before!Then again, I think any Kliq member would be an asshole, even if they worked in the Burger King Drive-Thru...And X-Pac wouldn't be over there either." 

"Hey man, leave masturbation out of this. What has that pleasurable task done besides supply billions of people worldwide with magnificent minutes of enjoyment?"

"Of course, 1wrestling has been wrong a whole lot more then right in their "breaking stories" lately."

"At least (bidding on Lita's undergarments) is safer from a health standpoint than bidding on...oh...say...Jenna Jameson's panties." 

"Wrestling will cease to exist and HHH will end up the world's angriest curler. So sad."

"And if the unpolished,sloppy Christopher Daniels is the #20 worker in the world,then the wrestlling business truly is in deep sh*t. KENDALL WINDHAM is on this list?? What the hell is wrong with you people?" 

"Don't tell me your locked up with women in your apartment. I know better"

"Well, HHH suffered a good injury on Raw. It might require and could be out three monthes. You says this wasn't the best Raw ever." 

"Vagina never hurt nobody, Deano." 

"Tazz posted his final commentary on his website yesterday. I promised myself I wouldn't cry [voice cracks]...Oh no [sniffs]...Here come the waterworks. Talk amongst yourselves" 

"I'm a Star Trek fan and I get laid all the time."

"It's obvious what following in Mick's footsteps brings the idiot who attempts it. Mick, and the WWF, loudly shill Mick's injuries and physical degradation as often as possible. Those who decide to follow his footsteps should clearly be labeled fools in their own right." 

"Is Hulk Hogan somehow more talented because he never took a bump in his life and sucks just as much as he did a decade ago?"

"Hogan took plenty of bumps. Most of them were safe. Ditto Flair by the way, if you're looking to piss on someone."

"Hogan's days as an effective draw put Dynamite, Kobashi, and Mick to shame. The Cult of Broken Bodies doesn't have much longevity on their side, talented or not." 

"Maybe they slipped Vince a mickey during the booking sessions for this week and knocked his ass out...or maybe he finally watched the crap they've been shilling since Wrestlemania" 

"Who died and made DVD marks god!!! There seems to be a total lack of respect for respected journalism in here,,,firstly the DVD argument is hugely flawed in relation to the DVD 500. Secondly why bitch at guys who know more about this industry than everyone who has ever wrote a piece for this site combined." 

"Waltman is the most consistently coked-up looking person on tv, from my viewpoint." 

"Just because this guy's written a guest editorial for the Torch doesn't mean he knows WTF he's talking about. Obviously..." 

"Vince Mac. better make Austin a face again or else the ratings will keep on dropping No Rock. No HHH. No HBK. it would not be smart to keep Austin the A$$hole! Maybe Russo can help them?"

"Oh my god, it's the INVASION OF THE SZULCZEWSKI ZOMBIE CLONES! Quick, distract them with a potential lesbian angle and run like hell!" 

"I don't care if Bret hates Vince, everybody has a price. And if Stu is willing to show up on WWF TV, Bret showing up is not impossible." 

"One of my friends from highschool got married with the Queen wedding march from Flash. All the kids dug it, man.." 

"C'mon - how can the WWF expect anyone to boo someone who quotes the Cookie Monster. Though, I wonder if this shoots holes in the WWF's "We don't promote our shows to children" defense." 

"Suburban Commando is such a great movie. Even arcade games put Hogan over like he was the Messiah. And Christopher Lloyd does the worm." 

"Why not put the Undertaker in a program with Raven? Raven could get inside his head and play games, and the Undertaker would eventually have to return to the dark side to even the score. It would put 'Taker in a compelling angle while allowing others to still get elevated, it would give Raven a much-needed boost, and it would definitely get a good fan response."

"You're calling Stone Cold Steve Austin a GOOD HEEL!?!?!? He's Stone Cold Steve Austin! He's the WWF Champion! He doesn't deserve.....to be called a good heel. He's like that damn Energizer bunny. He keeps going and going and going and going and going....... He was a heel in 1996. Now he's just an annoying piece of crap" 

"Just browsed the Usenet newsgroup and found that I've been named the most despised poster in the group... :( And here I am without a proper acceptance speech. I guess not falling at McMahon's feet will do that for a fellow..."

"Well, the travel suitcases on little wheels didn't help either. Big tough wrestlers are filmed leaving the arena rolling their bags along? Come on..." 

"Whatever the flaws of the DVDVR 500 are, and admitedly there are quite a few, they aren't half as flawed as those of the nutjob who come over here to slap it around. It's sort of like arguing with a creationist by taking the position the the universe truly began by being farted out of a giant elephant's ass. Creationism theory may be nutty as all hell, but Elephant's Ass is bong induced." 

"iwrestilng didn't change for the worse. The new format was clearly better. Weren't you paying attention when Freakboy kept saying that the new format was better and was attracting more traffic despite the fact that everyone on the board was consistently telling him it sucked?"

"I walked into my kitchen this morning and said 'My NAME is Shane O'Bryant, and I deserve breakfast!!,' but nobody got me anything."

"When they go to Calgary for Raw is War! I wonder if Vince would dare go out to the Ring? I wonder and hope he gets a police escort! They ought to have a field day in funneling in crowd noise as well as takin signs and posters! Anybody know when RAW goes to Memphis?"

" 'Speaking or hairy, I bet you have really hairy balls.' Tell me that isn't the greatest line EVER spoken in wrestling." 

"I't be a shame if Christian became Marty Janetty 2000" 

"or even Marty Janetty 2001 :-)" 

"Please..you are so far up your self that you get cheese on your toothbrush every morning!!" 

" 'Get bent.' Someone explain how this is an insult. What does it mean? 'Get bent' has always struck me as one of the lamest, no thought insults people toss around." 

"If you go anywhere near my cat I will punch your face through the back of your skull." 

"Because I'm not attracted to a woman who looks like Steven Tyler with a boob job and a tan, I must be attracted to men?" 

"I'm not being mean, but why exactly are you going to 1blob.con?"

"Making love to a hot woman is like eating a KFC, when you're finished with the Breasts and Legs you have a greasy box to stick your bone in..." 

"I was a high school wrestler, and the move to do to females is the double grapevine...they'll come in about ten seconds..." 

"YES MOULIN ROUGE YES Voulez vouz coucher alex marvez Benoit" (Hyatte's Note: This may be the funniest goddam thing I've ever read online) 

"Lance Storm didn't screw Perry Saturn, Perry Saturn screwed Perry Saturn." 

"I am very drunk, I just split up with my girlfriend, I was with her six years, I only just found out today she's a BITCH! RAW was fantastic!!" 

"I'm banned from the Smarks Forum! Apparently, they support the free exchange of opinion, unless it's critical of them or their site. In that case, they ban you. I feel privileged to have been banned from such an institution." 

"Just because some people don't actually find Japanese or Lucha entertaining, that makes them fu**wits, I guess, huh?" 

"Lord of the Rings: New Line has signed a major agreement with Burger King, but details are under wraps. Just something about it doesn't seem proper. And please no jokes about onion rings." 

"But he's Big Sexy, dammit! Even his turds are cool." 

"First Sean Shannon, then DDT Digest hangs it up, and John Petrie takes off, now CRZ is stopping his act? Did I miss something?" 

"Vince McMahon is now the most hated man in Canada next to the occassional hockey player that knocks the occassional Canadan hockey team out of the playoffs. That changes twice every year." 

"AND PLEASE stop talking about 'the smarks'; not everyone is the same, which you're proving just now by disagreeing with me. I'm so sick of that label being used I can't tell you." 

"Most Smarks say that." 

"But what of Scott Taylor? Will he be One-Cool?" 

"Then again, wouldn't it be a very Russoerian twist if it turned out to be Linda? Imagine the storylines there... *shudder*" 

"Rats! You stole my answer! It's either him or Repo Man. Repo Man was there to steal Undertaker's bike" 

"i love it i have been waiting for the day HHH the so called game gets injured it was only a matter of time you could say HHH game over well i have said that Alreadty

ahhahaahahahahahahaha basically this is a new topic HHH sucks Goldberg V HHH anyday the winner Goldberg all the way but i heard that he has accepted a buyout from aol i dunno i havent read the wwf wcw news today but i Am gonna now adios" 

"Don't Nash and Honky realize the way to get real heat (and a prime spot in the new WWF/WCW) is to criticize the DVDVR 500?" 

"If Ryder made the same mistake, you'd be all over him. But I guess it's ok if Dave does it? Not even a retraction by wo.com....just 'disregard that story' from Alvarez today, several hrs after Scherer found it to be a fake story." 

"I've finally realized from reading wrestling commentary on the Internet is that smarks are the most deluded group of people I've ever seen" 

"CRZ is a puke and all his followers are maggots." 

"Wait, if Eddie turns Lita to his way of doing things (like cheating to win), does that mean she's gonna produce a fake accent, grow a mullet, and get injured every six months? And maybe get in the shower with a couple of hos on GTV?" 

"Ya ever wonder what sorta masochistic pleasure 12 year olds get out of sneaking on to their dad's computer and metaphorically screaming ‘I will NEVER get laid’ to total strangers on Internet discussion boards?" 

"How many times is this that we've recreated Montreal? What's next, maybe Vince and Austin will gloat over Benoit's loss by bringing out a phony Benoit midget on Smackdown?" 

"But I do love Rocky's ability to oversell. He can make the Bossman Slam seem painful." 

"WCW could have run a 2 hour free porn of Pamela Anderson getting fu**ed up the a$$ and it would have drawn a 2.8 rating because most people would think WCW was once again teasing something that would never happen" 

"Oh, and that Shawn Michaels. What a jerk THAT guy was. Faking all those injuries just so he wouldn't have to Job. In fact, he even faked being hospitalized on a few occasions, that's how damn lazy he was. Even after retiring he continued to see doctors and spinal experts, just to avoid Jobbing if he ever does come back." 

"Of course! Nash is a YOUNG LION,BAY-BEE! those blonde highlights? REAL!

and he wears FUBU, doesn't he? I bet he drops in to say hi to Trick Daddy when he goes to visit Scott Hall in florida..." 

"(Stephanie) looks good about 20% of the time. The rest of the time, she's having a really bad hair day or looking like a big chunkball." 

"Kevin Nash saying, 'I never had a problem doing a job' has GOT to be made into an exhibit in the Straight-Faced Bulls*it Hall of Fame." 

"I think it was probably Chyna stalking Sara. We all know how she loves to spank other

women." 

"How 'bout (Naming Bischoff's new 'MatRats' promotion) 'The I can't believe how freakin' lame it is to hire a bunch of fourteen year old kids to pretend to be Mortal Kombat characters in an attempt to corner the nearly non-existant fifteen year old girl wrestling fan market' Wrestling Federation?" 

"Shut up, you gay a$$ motherfu**er." 

"Hey, after you destroy a man's family, the least you can do is offer him ringside seats as you re-enact the time his son got shafted. That Vince, nothing but class." 

"You have a shift button! Use it for the love of Christian!" 

"Punctuation and grammar is overrated very " 

"Maybe it's the Big Show's dead father, raised from the grave by Paul Bearer and the Big Bossman." 

"You are all wrong, We all know that it is the Black Scorpion returning to seek revenge, or Shockmaster" 

"F**k Bagwell. He's had enough chances already and deserves to languish in Indy Hell for life." 

"You didn't like Hogan, yet you liked the waste that was Ed Leslie? Okey-dokey." 

"You know how Billy Kidman comes across as a whiny little kid on the mike and most people on this board could probably kick his ass? Well, take away the wrestling ability and that's X-Pac." 

"Me, I think it's a plot by the Illuminati." 

"My favorite ECW moment was when they declared bankrupty. HA! I kid of course." 

"And honestly, I would rather be called the S-word by a million internet folks than have to deal with another real world person asking me if I know wrestling isn't real." 

"And thank you so much for your help, that post was so informative and not a cheappost at all or anything just like 99% of all the other posts by you" 

"Jake also goes on to make fun of Jericho. What is Jake's beef with Jericho? Is he jealous that Jericho isn't working indie shows for crack?" 

"The real question is how long Keith will staff a columnist that writes better than he does." 

"A Fan - Who has to watch his spelling because one of his poorly quotes ended up on 411. F'N Hyatte." 

"In closing, you are a failed lesbian."

"Chris Hyatte Ate My Balls. He did!" 

"One night after an ECW show at Wonderland in Revere,Mass.,Tommy Rich sort of staggered up to me and asked me if I knew 'where the projects is at,so's I can get me some o' them there Italian"drugs,you know,cocaaayyyynnne!'.I was so taken aback by a former NWA World Champion(hey,4 days is 4 days)asking me that that I really didn't know what to say. Sad." 

"My GOD, I'm gonna get m'self an Ice Cream sandwich from the ice cream truck and watch some Transformers...." 

"hogan is a fool, and his investors are even more foolish. no one wants to see a bunch of fifty year old men make fools of themselves( ok, i kinda want to)" 

"yes, we did get a letter from WWFE's lawyers about the Vince McMahon clip we posted last weekend. And, yes, the letter also took issue with our recaps of WWF events. We are willing to work with WWFE's lawyers to find an amicable solution to all this, but I feel that our recaps are protected by fair use statutes in the US Code." 

"Chris Jericho is the best possible opponent Austin could have right now. Do you realize that this match between Austin and the sawed-off midget midcarder who'll never draw because his ringwork is sloppy and his promos are too comical outdrew every main event the WWF has done since Wrestlemania, the lone exception being Austin v Rock the night after." 

"Nah. We judge wrestling on what gives us a boner. People like to delude themselves into believing it's something else." 

"Paul E has a keen acerbic sense of humour and takes care to carefully elucidate the finer points of the plot and the mat action, where as The King is just a good ol' boy who likes tits" 

"Wrestlezone.com and Prowrestling.com both now *confirmed* that Bret has signed with the new WCW." 

"Has anyone else noticed that Japanese commentators call ANY vertical suplex type thingy a BRAINBUSTA!? What's up with that? Is the Japanese brain in the ass?" 

"Rhyno was on a local radio station last Monday, and used the line ‘I like animals’, which turns out to be the same line that the stalker used while spying on Sara Monday night." 

"I might Seem Bizzare...But I've Always Found Linda Very Boinkable...Dunno Why...She seems like a Good Head Giver." 

"Single most disturbing thing I've EVER read, and I know a guy that hooked up with a goat!" 

"So...youve left Wrestleline and youre about to hit 30? Two momentous moments in your life Christopher Robin...perhaps its time to take hold of Pooh`s hand and head for bed ! (for the vast majority of the illiterate readers here...go check your library" 

"I don't know why she's gone but its the best possible thing to happen to WWF TV. As Chyna is the worst character in wrestling history." 

"Rick Martel blinds Jake Roberts with Arrogance on Brother Love show. Any feud where the blowoff match is two guys stumbling around with bags over their heads is cool with me." 

"Did anybody else notice that the July 9 Raw is live in Atlanta? With the "Invasion" supposedly kicking into high gear in July, you don't think that they would use the old home of WCW to get it going, do you?" 

"It's always duck season and you're looking at Elmer f'n Fudd right here..." 

"Hey, Britney Spears has a good future as the next Heather Locklear." 

"What's with all these big heads in the WWF? Where's Kevin Nash to make sense of all this???" 

"I'm hoping it's the Big Show just so I can laugh at the fact of a 7'0" 550 lb guy "stalking" somebody." 

"Why you care about this So Much..Who Cares? One Way or the other...you still get the same Shit...Why F**king Obsess about Scott Kieth? Does He Suck You Off at night and Tuck you in and read Goldilocks?" 

"I met Chris Jericho at an autograph signing last week. He is a really small guy. 5'9" I'd say. I was very surprised." 

"I doubt Vince is going to fire Guerrero,but if he did I doubt Hogan's promotion would take him because he is missing three things. 1.he's not over 40 2.he's not one of Hogan's buddies 3.He can work a match" 

"I can see it now... Bret appears at a WWF HOF induction at the 2012 Slammy's... Bob Ryder crawls out of whatever hole he is in at the time screaming... "I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT!!!! SEE I'M ONE OF THE BOYS!!! THE BOYS DON'T WORK ME!!!!" 

"Don't y'all get it? His ACL is a highly trained ligament with great workrate that only appeared to tear and unravel all the way back up his leg. Jeez, wrestling is SO fake." 

"The person who emailed me didn't mention Scott. He said that the story in question was on a site I never heard of (Smarks.com I think). That is what I never heard of, not Scott. To also clear the slate on what Scott said, and I wouldn't have brought this up if he hadn't, but Rick Scaia asked me if we (1Wrestling) had interest in the Maniacs crew because their deal with WrestleLine was up. I told him we had some interest in him, but we did not want the rest of his crew. It was nothing personal, but we didn't need them." Dave Scherer 

"Dave - this is a distortion of the truth. In your original news item (6/2/2001 6:08:31 PM), you mentioned not only thesmarks.com - but also Scott Keith. There is proof of it: Oops. You deleted the news item. That is odd. Oh well, we have a copy of it if you spin this. We also have proof that you have told other 1wrestling people to "glom" (your word, not mine) spoilers and other reports from Lords of Pain and Rajah. Of course, you have them pretend a fake reader sent it in." 

"You appear to be somewhat opinionated, as well as a complete a**hole. I'm sure that you could go far in the online world-you're easily on a par with Scott Keith." 

"My name is Bret Hart. You killed my brother. Prepare to die." 

"1wrestling.com is now no differenet than any fan site where marks rip off news items from reliable sources and then make up their own false stories. People never believe a thing 1wrestling.com reports ever again! They are just looking for website hits!" 

"It's laughable that we would be accused of "glomming" from sites like those you mention when even a brief look at those sites would show that almost all of their news items originates on 1Wrestling, or the Observer or Torch sites." Bob Ryder 

"Bob Ryder is irrelevant, his site is so confusing that it actually instills rage in me -- I feel like kicking dogs and stomping flowers after navigating his maze of cheap sell-out pop tarts. Hey Bob, Al Isaacs called, he says he'll see you in the press pit at Heroes of Wrestling. pompous ass." 

"Just as long as that Eddy wasn't smoking cigarettes. Tobacco kills and he's a roll model to millions of fly white guys like that goon squad that watches all that pourusso in Death Valley. Yep, it was probably tobacco -- they should fire his sp** ass before he kills himself and millions of low rider children." 

"Please do us the giant favor and _don't_ troll Hyatte over here. I don't need the work out of policing any of that nonsense. :)"

"Dave Matthews' sexual habits are NOT the discussion here..." 

"Why do people worship Scott Keith and CRZ anyways? they are freaking INTERNET WRITERS people! so they're kind of funny and write decent recaps....SO WHAT? Lord, someone get Judas13 a woman STAT! one that won't try to force him into marriage or whatever!" 

"Ok. I have emailed the WWF consistently for some time now, asking them, no begging them, to stick my hero- the brooklyn brawler- back on tv." 

"Hey look, someone is bashing Foley in the WWF forum. Lets go bash him too so we'll look cool. By disliking someone most people like, we'll make them seem small and stupid for falling for Vince's bait to cheer for him. Ah yes, smarts rule." 

"Want to rub my nipple?" 

"Doing a deliverance on Hardcore Holly wouldn't make Buh-buh heel. Anal sex is a FACE spot." 

"This is just.... I don't know what...... Who the hell..... What producer.... Where's Bronson Pinchot" 

"The Undertaker has paraded around for months claiming the that the WWF wrestling ring is his 'yard', and has arrogantly dared others to step into it and challenge him, right? But then he gets angry and frustrated when a confused WWF superstar shows up in his ACTUAL YARD? Gee whiz. Make up your freakin' mind, Taker." 

"Bob reports false information at the expense of his reputation, as a a way of getting talked about over here so he has a reason to post. I don't blame him, I thought I saw virtual tumble-weed going across the 1Bob boards last time I was there." 

"Another lie from RF and his site. He's trying to be a Meltzer now-and his stooge Gabe is also busy cutting and pasting from other sites without attribution" -Bob Barnett 

"Stop making an ass out of yourself Bob and get over it. RF Video gives plenty to the business whether it be money, exposure, promotion or helping book talent in various promotions. If you don't like us Bob, don't support us, but don't try to disparage what we do. We aren't trying to be Meltzer. I don't think Meltzer would enter a working agreement with us to give away tapes on his show if we were stealing his news and I give plenty of news to him. By the way, it seems pretty pathetic that a 50 year old lawyer has all day to write lies about RF Video on message boards on the net. At least I get paid for this. One more thing, its funny that the 5-10 people that spend their lives trashing RF Video on the net then try to sell their own tapes." 

"Also, you forgot Eric Skavoovie in your list o' frustration. The guy actually makes people wade through eight paragraphs of irrelevant pop culture obituaries and golf bullshit before he Gets His Nickname On and goes on his corny little snippybitch asides about why the Rock is the most filthy foul human being on the planet. He's like Hyatte with half the inventiveness and none of the self-deprecation" 

"The chunk of change that Vince is putting into WCW has alreay gone to waste. There will never be a WCW as a separate promotion." 

"Well, Tajiri probably had the better debut wrestling-wise but Stacy had the better ass." 

"In regards to the question about the sunny days. so far we have 1.shawn micheals 2.brian pillman 3.taka michinoku 4.bret hart 5.chris candido 6.ted burton. My take is that sunny is a very generous person.What about her ecw and wcw days though. Or did she stop acting like a jezebel." 

"I think Jericho could be a very effective Roddy Piper sort of psycho. He needs to lay some SERIOUS beatings on the midcard. Billy Gun? DEAD! Raven? DEAD! Hardys? DEAD! Big SHow? DEAD! Dean Wormer? DEAD!" 

"Yea, I love to wait a month for my tapes from RF Video !!!! And when I do get them videos, I cant even watch them because the VQ sucks !!!!! I love it ! PLEASE !!!! RF Sucks and all the RF "marks" suck too....There are many other tape dealers out there that has way better VQ and send alot faster ! You RF marks = Dumbass." 

"This guy has to be THE worst speller of all time. Apart from crowbar and wwf, he spelt alomst everything wrong. Even chris benoit was spelled as chris benoin?. My guess is that this guy got his dog to type up his post." 

"What?!?! Just because she doesn't suffer from white-girl-with-a-black-girl's-ass disease doesn't mean she don't have an ass. She has a great ass!" 

"I may be a Cretin, but I know what I don't like, and it's Scott Keith's recaps. If you're going to get paid to do a job, at least paste a smile on your face. Most pro burgerjockeys can do that, so certainly a 'skilled writer' should be able to manage it. Oh, and the other new guy ain't too swift either." 

"Rollin' is the audio equivalent of a botched abortion and Fred Durst is a horrible creature and I pray for his demise..." 

"The best thing for The Big Show is for Vince selling him to Whalers and use his blubber for various oil products - where at last, he'll be finally useful. "

"Indeed, McMahon incorporating such disparate elements into such a rich and varied tapestry could be said to be taken directly from Fellini... Whither next? Perhaps Vince in a nod to "The Great Dictator" or Jim Ross declaiming bon mots from W.C. Fields..." 

"(Billy Gunn) is the WWF version of Lex Luger. This means that he is always a threat. He can weasel his way into some kind of push seemingly at will. This could go on for another 10 years. Are you scared yet?" 

"The next time I read the monstrously stupid catchphrase 'good raughs' from that 'Beantown' knucklehead, I am going to HURT SOMEONE." 

"Meltzer is the self appointed 'Wrestling knowledge king' or something to that degree. Bob Ryder is the wrestling world's equivalent of cheez-whizz." 

"If CRZ thinks that Scott ain't a big fan of the ladies, that is his opinion and maybe the truth, who knows?" 

"They are Recappers. They can't cut it as real Writers so they take stuff they is already done for them and just do for them selfs to feel good. and Your HERO, YOUR GOD AND YOUR ICON, Scott Keith is just like the Rest of them." 

"I remember reading about some guy who actually did challenge Test to a hardcore match the last time he was HC champ. Test told him to 'have a hardcore match with my dick!' Oddly, the guy was upset with TEST for simply answering a question that he asked!" 

"All I can say is thank god JR has told us this. I have been staying up all night with nightmares about Ole Anderson infiltrating the WWF and taking it to hell." 

"You haven't quite comprehended what 'sarcasm' is, have you?" 

"I hope that Tajiri will do his talking in the ring so to speak. I think they may be going in a certain direction with him. He is the humble-goofy little guy until you push him to far, then wham-o! Your ass is handed to you." 

"Yeah, but you think fantasy wrestling is gay. Oh, wait a minute...." 

"Good grief. This is about as credible as the Scott Steiner fan who was BOYCOTTING~! the WWF on his website. And Meltzer gave credence to that f**khole as well. Really, guys, are we THAT hard up for news to fill up a radio show now that WCW and ECW is gone??" 

"I hate you all. Now people at OTHER MESSAGE BOARDS. WHO DO NOT GO HERE. THINK I LOOK LIKE RAVEN." 

"Hope springs eternal, true believers! Andre Rison and Lisa 'Left-Eye' Lopez apparantly have settled all differences pertaining to her amount of shoes and about his house being burnt to a crisp." 

"Boni Blackstone has a web page. She raises bunnies, she got to hang out with Jean Shepard and Little Jimmy Dickens at THE Ryman Audotorium. She lives the life you want to live." 

"I am taking donations to buy my scuba tank, and a refill station. I need to collect about $200 dollars. If you have anymore furthur questions, feel free to contact me, or drop by on my webpage and leave a message. Once you make a donation, you will recieve a letter signed by me, and a special something from me." 

"I'm beginning to think you're ALL Scott Keith and this is just a big swerve meant to advertise his site and drive me batty." 

"Look, I like female flesh well enough. But Stacy Kiebler will never draw a dime. I see better looking girls folding pants at Banana Republic. She dances like a white girl. No booty. No hipsway. No sexual yearning in her pelvic thrusts. It's an empty gesture, as fulfilling to me as sucking on silicon breasts. " 

"You may very well find Stacy's lack of an ass attractive. That's a matter of taste, I can't really argue it. However, it is still a lack of an ass. It's practically negative ass." 

"i saw a dude ask Billy Gunn for an autograph and he told the kid to ask someone else for one. i was laughing. i guess he IS a prick."